Monday, March 31, 2008
Talking Stains
What is it about wearing white? I can never seem to purchase a white top and not manage to spill spaghetti sauce or maybe chocolate, something dark and staining on that dang top! I finally decided to stop buying white blouses all together. Occasionally I have to wear a white spaghetti strap shirt underneath a low cut blouse to work. The one inch of that dang top never fails to have a stain and i always feel like people stare. So i bought a blue blouse the other day and a green one. I love them both. The first night I wore the blue one I spilt mushroom sauce all over the front of it. Aww man, guess I need to cover up the hole in my mouth. Anyway, some stain spray and a rinse and soak wash later, the shirt pulled through good as new. I wore my brand new green shirt yesterday...which I love. I was doing some laundry and using bleach and apparently a little bleach splashed up on the right side of my shirt just above the breast. Little did I know, it happened so fast. An hour later I am in front of the mirror and notice two little white dots staring me in the face and laughing. Why? Is there anyway to get bleach out? hahaha...don't think so. I need to just start wearing a bib and go ahead and get over it already. I can't have anything nice or new...my stains just do all the talking for me! I'm such a slob.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
"The List"
I have always been a list making fool. I make list to grocery shop, list to prioritize household cleaning, list to organize my thoughts, list of bills to pay, list of phone numbers, and basically just anything that would require one or more task that need to be completed or information to be compiled. I feel comfortable with list. Lists are like my little armies of all my thoughts and those spider like "rough drafts" teachers used to make up jot out prior to writing a paper...I think they were called prewriting drafts or whatever. I love how I feel when I am crossing something off of my list. The feeling is rewarding. For me, a list serves as a way of organizing my thoughts and getting rid of all the rift raft that clouds my thoughts 99% of the time. A list makes my thoughts and goals coherent and easily able to focus in on and make possible. I love me a good list! :) Anyway, I once made the single most important list of my entire life one day over four years ago. Had I known how important and profound this list would have served I would have kept it and had it framed. To tell you the story behind "my list," I first need to enlighten the reader on a little background...
I dated someone in the past that was quicksand for me. For other women he may have been great, but with my personality, hopes and dreams he was a noose around my neck. He brought nothing to our relationship tangible and was an ultimate learning experience for me. Without going into the details, let me just say at that time in my life and during his...everyone called him a BUM. The dictionary definition states that a bum is a noun meaning,
1. a person who avoids work and sponges on others; loafer; idler.
2. of poor, wretched, or miserable quality; worthless.
This pretty much sums up all the wonderful things my ex brought to our relationship...lol
Being with this person led up to my list! The list of the qualities, materials, and attributes of my next boyfriend. I formed this list with a paper towel as my paper, and a sharpie as the quill. I never imagined that this list would later lead to my Husband, but ultimately it did! You can call it coincidence, but I call it fate!
My list consisted of all the must have attributes and qualities, somewhere along the lines of this:
1) Must be able to provide a steady means of income. A real job where taxes are deducted out of a check.
(I say this because the only job my ex had was a little mediocre landscaping gig where he helped out a friend and was paid cash under the table so to speak. ) Sounds like a 12 year old mowing the neighbors grass to me.
2) Must have a reliable mode of transportation. (My ex, had no car...he used mine.)
3) Must have a money to pay bills with and know how to balance a checkbook. (My ex had neither.)
4) Must have strong values and a good relationship with immediate family. (This is important because a man that has a good relationship with his family especially respect for his mother is a terrific candidate for a husband.)
Right now, this blog is not a mode of comparison, but just enlightenment on how to make the things in life that you desire most become tangible.
I'm not quite sure everything I put on the list because eventually the list was discarded and thrown away after a good laugh or two, but it was the catalyst for inspiration amongst myself. It put into perspective my current situation and helped me focus in on new ideas. It organized my thoughts and ridded me of my useless clutter. This list became my husband. Now when I say that, I don't mean that fairy godmother appeared, and POOF...and husband. What I mean, is that by writing down likes and dislikes it zoned me in on Preston. I think of it like this...I met Preston two months after being in a relationship with my ex. Between the both of us always existed a sexual attraction as well as emotional connection, and while we all exchanged a form of flirtatious banter with one another, I never saw Preston as potential boyfriend material because I had blinders on. It was not until I sat down, and put things into prospective that it paved the way to fate.
This list is not meant to seem shallow either...their were concessions I had to be willing to make myself if I truly was ever going to find my dream man...Ultimately that list remains a joke between my husband and I, and while I'll never fully remember everything I included in it...I like to think the list was just one big picture of Preston.
I dated someone in the past that was quicksand for me. For other women he may have been great, but with my personality, hopes and dreams he was a noose around my neck. He brought nothing to our relationship tangible and was an ultimate learning experience for me. Without going into the details, let me just say at that time in my life and during his...everyone called him a BUM. The dictionary definition states that a bum is a noun meaning,
1. a person who avoids work and sponges on others; loafer; idler.
2. of poor, wretched, or miserable quality; worthless.
This pretty much sums up all the wonderful things my ex brought to our relationship...lol
Being with this person led up to my list! The list of the qualities, materials, and attributes of my next boyfriend. I formed this list with a paper towel as my paper, and a sharpie as the quill. I never imagined that this list would later lead to my Husband, but ultimately it did! You can call it coincidence, but I call it fate!
My list consisted of all the must have attributes and qualities, somewhere along the lines of this:
1) Must be able to provide a steady means of income. A real job where taxes are deducted out of a check.
(I say this because the only job my ex had was a little mediocre landscaping gig where he helped out a friend and was paid cash under the table so to speak. ) Sounds like a 12 year old mowing the neighbors grass to me.
2) Must have a reliable mode of transportation. (My ex, had no car...he used mine.)
3) Must have a money to pay bills with and know how to balance a checkbook. (My ex had neither.)
4) Must have strong values and a good relationship with immediate family. (This is important because a man that has a good relationship with his family especially respect for his mother is a terrific candidate for a husband.)
Right now, this blog is not a mode of comparison, but just enlightenment on how to make the things in life that you desire most become tangible.
I'm not quite sure everything I put on the list because eventually the list was discarded and thrown away after a good laugh or two, but it was the catalyst for inspiration amongst myself. It put into perspective my current situation and helped me focus in on new ideas. It organized my thoughts and ridded me of my useless clutter. This list became my husband. Now when I say that, I don't mean that fairy godmother appeared, and POOF...and husband. What I mean, is that by writing down likes and dislikes it zoned me in on Preston. I think of it like this...I met Preston two months after being in a relationship with my ex. Between the both of us always existed a sexual attraction as well as emotional connection, and while we all exchanged a form of flirtatious banter with one another, I never saw Preston as potential boyfriend material because I had blinders on. It was not until I sat down, and put things into prospective that it paved the way to fate.
This list is not meant to seem shallow either...their were concessions I had to be willing to make myself if I truly was ever going to find my dream man...Ultimately that list remains a joke between my husband and I, and while I'll never fully remember everything I included in it...I like to think the list was just one big picture of Preston.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Calling Animal Control
Today the girls and I decided to go eat lunch down the street at this place called Incredible Pizza. It's basically like an arcade based around 50's memorabilia with all you can eat pizza, dessert, pasta, and salad bar. A fancy CiCi's mixed with Chucky Cheese. Anyway, we pull up to the Arcade and park next to the junky old car. I mean at first glance all you could notice was papers, and boxes up on the dashboard and then clothes here and there. It's a beautiful eighty degrees here without a single cloud in the sky...it's very warm. Anyway, all of a sudden I see this black lab poke it's head out from underneath the seat on the floor board at look out the window. My heart sank. The windows to this owners car were not even cracked to let fresh air in. I can only imagine how hot the inside of that vehicle was. We all sort of made a little remark and went on inside the arcade to eat. An hour an 15 minutes later we came back out and that dang car was still parked there with the dog inside and the windows rolled up. Only this time the dog was panting. At that point, I had enough! I wrote the license plate number down and when I got back to work I called animal control. I don't care who you are and what you do...but for small children and animals to leave unattended in a hot car is just asking for your picture on the six o' clock news. You just don't do that! That is negligence and cruelty to animals and just down right wrong. It's one thing to leave the windows rolled half way down and the animal in there while you leave the car running to go inside the gas station and get a drink...something where it is alone for only a split second...but any longer than that is just wrong. What is the world coming too?
Friday, February 29, 2008
Realization
My best friend wrote this blog in regards to her estranged Brother. It's a good lesson in forgiveness, and I thought I would share her blog for you!
A blog I wrote...
"Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens" Current mood: disappointed
I just woke up from my normal, daily nap, where this time my dream was so real, so vivid that I can't seem to get it out of my head. The dream was of my brother, Daniel. Physically, I have not seen him in a long time. I haven't heard his voice or has he even bothered to let us know he is breathing and doing okay. Ever since he excluded us out of his life I have not had a dream of him. I think about him often, even though my anger tries to keep me from caring.
I went to parent's home to pick up mail and there he was standing there. I had my daughter in my arms and he preceded to ask me if he could hold her. Having the resentment I have towards him at the moment I made it a point to cry and say no. I saw him packing his things as though he had been there but was going to leave again. I asked where he was going and he said he didn't know. It's as if all of my anger left me and I asked him to stay. I knew how hurt my family has been since he excluded us and I didn't want to continue that feeling. He told me he couldn't, that it was Wednesday night. I asked him what that meant and he told me he had been through plenty of things on his journey that I wouldn't understand. In true Daniel fashion, he had yet again managed to confuse me.
I then asked him to stay at my home and he said no. He walked out the door and I never knew where he left to or if he was going to be okay or if he was ever coming back. It was almost at that moment I woke up and Cayslee was laying on me, still sleeping, I immediately stood up as though I felt like he was here, at my home. I realized it was late and I had only been dreaming. I can't really describe the feeling I felt at that moment. I just sort of felt like my heart had dropped. Again.
Now, I can't seem to get him off my mind. I just want to talk with him, a good conversation, the way we used to. No confusion, no anger, no distance. I know now, it'll never happen that way again. I feel as though maybe, this dream was a way for me to say goodbye. I try so hard to be so angry at him and in reality I miss him, I want him in my life. I just never expected that dream and I never expected to have it stir up the feelings it did. I wish there was a way to go back and change them, not the things I did in life but the things I did in my dream.
I would have let him hold Cayslee, for as long as he liked.
A blog I wrote...
"Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens" Current mood: disappointed
I just woke up from my normal, daily nap, where this time my dream was so real, so vivid that I can't seem to get it out of my head. The dream was of my brother, Daniel. Physically, I have not seen him in a long time. I haven't heard his voice or has he even bothered to let us know he is breathing and doing okay. Ever since he excluded us out of his life I have not had a dream of him. I think about him often, even though my anger tries to keep me from caring.
I went to parent's home to pick up mail and there he was standing there. I had my daughter in my arms and he preceded to ask me if he could hold her. Having the resentment I have towards him at the moment I made it a point to cry and say no. I saw him packing his things as though he had been there but was going to leave again. I asked where he was going and he said he didn't know. It's as if all of my anger left me and I asked him to stay. I knew how hurt my family has been since he excluded us and I didn't want to continue that feeling. He told me he couldn't, that it was Wednesday night. I asked him what that meant and he told me he had been through plenty of things on his journey that I wouldn't understand. In true Daniel fashion, he had yet again managed to confuse me.
I then asked him to stay at my home and he said no. He walked out the door and I never knew where he left to or if he was going to be okay or if he was ever coming back. It was almost at that moment I woke up and Cayslee was laying on me, still sleeping, I immediately stood up as though I felt like he was here, at my home. I realized it was late and I had only been dreaming. I can't really describe the feeling I felt at that moment. I just sort of felt like my heart had dropped. Again.
Now, I can't seem to get him off my mind. I just want to talk with him, a good conversation, the way we used to. No confusion, no anger, no distance. I know now, it'll never happen that way again. I feel as though maybe, this dream was a way for me to say goodbye. I try so hard to be so angry at him and in reality I miss him, I want him in my life. I just never expected that dream and I never expected to have it stir up the feelings it did. I wish there was a way to go back and change them, not the things I did in life but the things I did in my dream.
I would have let him hold Cayslee, for as long as he liked.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Two Dots
My girlfriend from work has a six year old son who is a hoot. He is a typical little boy...he test the waters of his mothers patience, gets in trouble for miner infractions at school, talks to much...the general stuff that every little boy does. Her son's name is Nate, and he is about 3 foot 6 inches with sandy blonde hair and big old dimples, just a cutie! Anyway, Nate goes to a private school and one of his teaches uses a discipline system she made up called, DOTS to inform parents of any time that their child acted out in class and when warned to stop continued ect...So Nate got 2 dots last week at school. One dot was for throwing balls at another little boy during playtime even after the teacher repeatdidly asked him to stop, and the other was for standing on the urinal in the boys bathroom. The teacher puts these DOTS on a progress report that the student is then told to take home and have signed each weekend by his parents. Nate took his home last weekend and his mother told him that she would discuss his punishment with his father later own and that they would let him know when they decided something proper for it. Now in the past, they have asked Nate what he thinks his punishment should be...he has gotten smart of course and usually thinks of something that he no longer plays with that should be taken away. Last month he told his mom that he thought she should take his scooter away from him for awhile...Brandi said that Nate has not used his scooter once all winter. It has cobb webbs growing from the handle bars in the basement. :)(Kids, they are so smart!) Brandi and her husband naturally never agree on the punishment for Nate. Her husband always wants to take Nate's TV away for a very long time...which means he does not have anything to watch or any video games to play either. Torture for a 6 year old if you ask me. Brandi suggested that her husband make Nate clean the baseboards around the house...So the time comes for Brandi's husband to deliver the punishment and he decides to make a deal with Nate. No TV or games for a month or he can chose to clean all the baseboards around the house upstairs and downstairs everyday when he gets home from school and it has to be done before dad returns home from work as well as NO TV for the evening. Brandi said Nate just stood there speechless and in shock. The only thing he could think to say was, "what if I'm not finished by the time you get home from work daddy?" Brandi's husband just replyed that they would cross that mountain if the time came. He then asked Nate which punishement he wanted. Nate said he would choose the baseboards and he gulped, and turned around with a look a defeated football player. Brandi said that her husband then turned to face her and put his thumb up as if asking, "how was that punishment honey?" Brandi looked at him and said, "you're pchycotic!" His reply was, "well, the baseboards were your idea!" Brandi says, " I meant that he had to do the downstairs once and that was it!" Haha..so much for boundaries huh! I heard that story and just died of laughter. I would hate to clean baseboards everyday for a week, but I guess when your six years old the thought of losing your TV and video games for a month is a lot more grave. ***NOTE TO SELF***never let husband assign punishement to our child! hehe
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Why is every womens story..."I used to be skinny!"
My girlfriend and I were joking the other day about, what other than...those pesky pounds that somehow over night just appeared on our waist and hips, and she gave me the idea to write this blog. Honestly, I can not think of one woman who is ideally content with her size. (If there is one out there that you can think of...do me a favor, bitch slap her because I am willing to bet money on it that she thinks she needs to lose ten pounds.) I have one friend who is teeny tiny skinny and actually thinks her butt looks fat. She complained about it a few months ago infront of me and I almost died of laughter...i just could not help but think, "honey, if you think your butt looks fat, then mine must look like the state of Texas!" I wonder what she thinks mine looks like? haha.
Anyway, So I used to be skinny. You know, a typical gymnist. 4"10 and 105 lbs, always a little stocky since I was solid muscle. Well, somewhere between a bum ex, no money, changing jobs, chocolate cake, moving several times, more chocolate cake, discovering a new taste for good beer, deaths in the family, chocolate cake, family drama, parents with cancer, more chocolate cake, not working out like i used too, school to focus on, deadlines, and more chocolate cake I managed to gain almost 20 pounds in three years! Yuck!
So I look in the mirror everyday and I'm a little pissed at myself, and I know I am not the only one, but lets face it ladies...we really have got to give ourselves more credit already. I mean, life happens and suddenly we realize we don't look like we did when we were 17, but we have loving husbands to show for it, maybe children to show for it, a home, finances, good friends, family, and honestly is fitting back into our prom dress suddenly going to make our lives better. Probably not! So lets first work on our self esteem and understand that life happens and weight can always be fixed it's just finding time to do it in. We're all beautiful women who each bring something different to the table whether it is our ability to cook a feast, host and entertain, make everyone laugh, save a life, be the mother who your children worship, or the best wife ever...whatever the case...we all need superwoman buttons! Bottom line, let's not be so down on ourselves. So have another glass of beautiful curves and relax. One day, someone will invent a magic pill that we can take and the fat will melt away! :) Until then...I think I'll have a beer when I get home!
Anyway, So I used to be skinny. You know, a typical gymnist. 4"10 and 105 lbs, always a little stocky since I was solid muscle. Well, somewhere between a bum ex, no money, changing jobs, chocolate cake, moving several times, more chocolate cake, discovering a new taste for good beer, deaths in the family, chocolate cake, family drama, parents with cancer, more chocolate cake, not working out like i used too, school to focus on, deadlines, and more chocolate cake I managed to gain almost 20 pounds in three years! Yuck!
So I look in the mirror everyday and I'm a little pissed at myself, and I know I am not the only one, but lets face it ladies...we really have got to give ourselves more credit already. I mean, life happens and suddenly we realize we don't look like we did when we were 17, but we have loving husbands to show for it, maybe children to show for it, a home, finances, good friends, family, and honestly is fitting back into our prom dress suddenly going to make our lives better. Probably not! So lets first work on our self esteem and understand that life happens and weight can always be fixed it's just finding time to do it in. We're all beautiful women who each bring something different to the table whether it is our ability to cook a feast, host and entertain, make everyone laugh, save a life, be the mother who your children worship, or the best wife ever...whatever the case...we all need superwoman buttons! Bottom line, let's not be so down on ourselves. So have another glass of beautiful curves and relax. One day, someone will invent a magic pill that we can take and the fat will melt away! :) Until then...I think I'll have a beer when I get home!
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
THE BIG SCAN!
01/08/08
Preston's parents are coming into town tonight because his dad is having an operation tomorrow. The doctors are going to go into his pancreas and cut the nerves that supply the pain. Basically, his dad will no longer be feeling any of the pain that the cancer is causing that the morphine can not treat. I have reservations about this procedure though. I mean I don't want him to be in pain of course, but pain can be a red flag sometimes that something is not working properly. Preston's father would not even know he had cancer had he not felt the pain. It just seems like if they go in and snip, how does he know when something is going on down there that is not normal if he can't feel it. Oh well, maybe I can get more info tomorrow on this procedure. Right now it is worrying me!
Just wanted to let you all know that Preston's dad had "the BIG scan" yesterday and they find out the results today at 11:00 AM. Preston is going to meet his parents and sister at the hospital and call me with the news. This scan is going to show the size of the tumor and the results after the 28 days of radiation. Please keep Preston's father in your prayers. We just hope the tumor has shrunk enough to operate on and hopefully remove. I'll update this later own with the results.
The results: 1:30 PM
Ended up being pretty good I think. they could not tell if the tumor had shrunk enough yet due to the scarring from the radiation, but they could tell that the mass has not grown in size or moved to the surrounding organs. That means it is responding to the treatment and next week the doctor will go down the throat through the stomach and visually be able to tell the size of the tumor. Preston's dad seemed pleased with the results so far and they are going to put him on an experimental chemo after christmas. I'll update this as I go.
Preston's parents are coming into town tonight because his dad is having an operation tomorrow. The doctors are going to go into his pancreas and cut the nerves that supply the pain. Basically, his dad will no longer be feeling any of the pain that the cancer is causing that the morphine can not treat. I have reservations about this procedure though. I mean I don't want him to be in pain of course, but pain can be a red flag sometimes that something is not working properly. Preston's father would not even know he had cancer had he not felt the pain. It just seems like if they go in and snip, how does he know when something is going on down there that is not normal if he can't feel it. Oh well, maybe I can get more info tomorrow on this procedure. Right now it is worrying me!
Just wanted to let you all know that Preston's dad had "the BIG scan" yesterday and they find out the results today at 11:00 AM. Preston is going to meet his parents and sister at the hospital and call me with the news. This scan is going to show the size of the tumor and the results after the 28 days of radiation. Please keep Preston's father in your prayers. We just hope the tumor has shrunk enough to operate on and hopefully remove. I'll update this later own with the results.
The results: 1:30 PM
Ended up being pretty good I think. they could not tell if the tumor had shrunk enough yet due to the scarring from the radiation, but they could tell that the mass has not grown in size or moved to the surrounding organs. That means it is responding to the treatment and next week the doctor will go down the throat through the stomach and visually be able to tell the size of the tumor. Preston's dad seemed pleased with the results so far and they are going to put him on an experimental chemo after christmas. I'll update this as I go.
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