Realization

My best friend wrote this blog in regards to her estranged Brother. It's a good lesson in forgiveness, and I thought I would share her blog for you!

A blog I wrote...
"Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens" Current mood: disappointed

I just woke up from my normal, daily nap, where this time my dream was so real, so vivid that I can't seem to get it out of my head. The dream was of my brother, Daniel. Physically, I have not seen him in a long time. I haven't heard his voice or has he even bothered to let us know he is breathing and doing okay. Ever since he excluded us out of his life I have not had a dream of him. I think about him often, even though my anger tries to keep me from caring.

I went to parent's home to pick up mail and there he was standing there. I had my daughter in my arms and he preceded to ask me if he could hold her. Having the resentment I have towards him at the moment I made it a point to cry and say no. I saw him packing his things as though he had been there but was going to leave again. I asked where he was going and he said he didn't know. It's as if all of my anger left me and I asked him to stay. I knew how hurt my family has been since he excluded us and I didn't want to continue that feeling. He told me he couldn't, that it was Wednesday night. I asked him what that meant and he told me he had been through plenty of things on his journey that I wouldn't understand. In true Daniel fashion, he had yet again managed to confuse me.

I then asked him to stay at my home and he said no. He walked out the door and I never knew where he left to or if he was going to be okay or if he was ever coming back. It was almost at that moment I woke up and Cayslee was laying on me, still sleeping, I immediately stood up as though I felt like he was here, at my home. I realized it was late and I had only been dreaming. I can't really describe the feeling I felt at that moment. I just sort of felt like my heart had dropped. Again.

Now, I can't seem to get him off my mind. I just want to talk with him, a good conversation, the way we used to. No confusion, no anger, no distance. I know now, it'll never happen that way again. I feel as though maybe, this dream was a way for me to say goodbye. I try so hard to be so angry at him and in reality I miss him, I want him in my life. I just never expected that dream and I never expected to have it stir up the feelings it did. I wish there was a way to go back and change them, not the things I did in life but the things I did in my dream.

I would have let him hold Cayslee, for as long as he liked.

Two Dots

My girlfriend from work has a six year old son who is a hoot. He is a typical little boy...he test the waters of his mothers patience, gets in trouble for miner infractions at school, talks to much...the general stuff that every little boy does. Her son's name is Nate, and he is about 3 foot 6 inches with sandy blonde hair and big old dimples, just a cutie! Anyway, Nate goes to a private school and one of his teaches uses a discipline system she made up called, DOTS to inform parents of any time that their child acted out in class and when warned to stop continued ect...So Nate got 2 dots last week at school. One dot was for throwing balls at another little boy during playtime even after the teacher repeatdidly asked him to stop, and the other was for standing on the urinal in the boys bathroom. The teacher puts these DOTS on a progress report that the student is then told to take home and have signed each weekend by his parents. Nate took his home last weekend and his mother told him that she would discuss his punishment with his father later own and that they would let him know when they decided something proper for it. Now in the past, they have asked Nate what he thinks his punishment should be...he has gotten smart of course and usually thinks of something that he no longer plays with that should be taken away. Last month he told his mom that he thought she should take his scooter away from him for awhile...Brandi said that Nate has not used his scooter once all winter. It has cobb webbs growing from the handle bars in the basement. :)(Kids, they are so smart!) Brandi and her husband naturally never agree on the punishment for Nate. Her husband always wants to take Nate's TV away for a very long time...which means he does not have anything to watch or any video games to play either. Torture for a 6 year old if you ask me. Brandi suggested that her husband make Nate clean the baseboards around the house...So the time comes for Brandi's husband to deliver the punishment and he decides to make a deal with Nate. No TV or games for a month or he can chose to clean all the baseboards around the house upstairs and downstairs everyday when he gets home from school and it has to be done before dad returns home from work as well as NO TV for the evening. Brandi said Nate just stood there speechless and in shock. The only thing he could think to say was, "what if I'm not finished by the time you get home from work daddy?" Brandi's husband just replyed that they would cross that mountain if the time came. He then asked Nate which punishement he wanted. Nate said he would choose the baseboards and he gulped, and turned around with a look a defeated football player. Brandi said that her husband then turned to face her and put his thumb up as if asking, "how was that punishment honey?" Brandi looked at him and said, "you're pchycotic!" His reply was, "well, the baseboards were your idea!" Brandi says, " I meant that he had to do the downstairs once and that was it!" Haha..so much for boundaries huh! I heard that story and just died of laughter. I would hate to clean baseboards everyday for a week, but I guess when your six years old the thought of losing your TV and video games for a month is a lot more grave. ***NOTE TO SELF***never let husband assign punishement to our child! hehe